Losing your temper in business. The take 5 rule.

I’ve done it.  We’ve all done it.  At some point in your life, you lose  your cool.  You get mad, and you show it ~ sometimes quite visibly.  But what happens when you lose your temper in business?  What can happen?  And what are the long lasting effects of losing your temper in the office?  Here’s my experience and what you can do to avoid or minimize problems when it inevitably does happen to you.

1. I’ve lost my cool numerous times in the office, usually I get red in the face, start to frown dangerously, and get real quiet…. I can tell you from experience, that look usually shuts people down and RARELY does it get beyond this point for me.  Yah, it’s clear I’m mad, but people that have worked for me know that I’ll cool down in a few minutes… especially if….

1.b. The best tactic not to go beyond this point (turning red/ frowning) is to say “let’s take 5” and walk outside or get some water… remember to breathe, and that life is bigger than whatever you are mad at.  After 5 min. you should be cool enough to talk rationally again.

2. Occasionally, even after 5 min., I’m still angry.  Heck, I can still be mad after 2-days, and sitting down with that person again just sparks back up the anger.  I can’t keep “taking 5” constantly.   What to do?

2.b. The best thing to do is to try to take an ‘active listening‘ approach.  This involves starting at the beginning (after a take-5 or when you’re cooled down), asking again about the problem, then most importantly repeating the problem back to the person from their point of view.  They will feel heard and then they will be ready to listen.  Explain your problem.  Ask them to say it back to you.  Then ask them to explain what they want.  Say it back to them.  Tell them what you want.  Ask them to say it back to you.  Now find a solution.. you’ll both be read to figure it out.

3. So… uhoh.  I yelled.  I screamed.  I lost it.   Have I done that?  sure.  Just never let it get physical… more on that later.   All you did was yell… maybe you cursed… What do you do now???

3.b. My best advice is to quickly acknowledge you lost your cool and you need to “take 5”.  The world is not over.  This happens. Has happened to me.  Nothing too terrible is going to happen.  Follow 2.b above, and all will be okay.  After your take 5, acknowledge that you were wrong to yell, but you are still angry, and then move to active listening.

4. So, you got physical?  This has not happened to me.  Hopefully you’ve taken 5, got away from the situation.  In my companies, there is a rule: no-one can refuse or get upset about someone’s need to take 5.  I HAVE seen someone get physical at work 1 time.  I was the manager.

4.b. So, what happens if you get physical at work?   I can tell you what I did. I fired the person, immediately.  On the spot.  No regrets, no 2nd chances.  You get physical at work, you should be fired.  Period.  Hopefully your workplace has a take 5 rule… if not take it yourself.  Getting docked 5 minutes of time is better than being fired.

I hope this blog has left you with some thoughts.. feel free to post them below.  I respond to all comments and questions.

Job vs. Career: How much should you like your job?

Every job has fun parts and boring parts.  Some jobs also have really difficult parts, which may be fun or may be boring.  As a manager, I think a lot about my employees and  how much they like their job.  The answer can never be 100%, not even for me.  So how much is enough?  How much should you like your job?

To answer that question, I want to break down life on the job into three parts:  part 1 – the environment of the job, part 2 – the people you work with, and part 3 – the work itself.   The reason to break this down this way is because the work itself is really only a part of the overall aspect of working.

So, how much should you like your job?   Well, let’s look at each part.

Part 1 – The Job Environment:
   You really should like all these things about your job environment: Temperature, Workspace, Bathrooms, Odor/Air Quality.
   Some things you can “not like” because it’s just part of “having a job”: hours, breaks, location (distance from your home)
   Extras: these things you can like, but don’t expect them: perks, comfort
   My count: you should like your Job Environment 4/7 or 57%.   Above 57% and you may have yourself a career!   Below, and you should look for a new job now.

Part 2 – The People:
    You should not dislike more than 50% of your coworkers.  You should respect your boss (not necessarily like him/her). Your boss should have a path for promotion for you in mind and want you to succeed.
    You do not have to like: everyone.  You do not have to be ‘social’ with anyone from your job, if you are consider that a bonus.
    My count: If you dislike more than 50% of  your coworkers or do not respect your boss or your boss does not want you to ever get promoted (no path), then you should look for a new job.  Otherwise, you may have yourself a career!   Read on!

Part 3 – The Work Itself:
    As said before, there are parts you like and parts you don’t.  It’s true for every job, even CEO job (maybe especially!).  Here’s a checklist of should’s:
   1. You should identify with the department you are in “engineering, marketing, sales, production, etc.”.
   2. You should like the ‘main thing’ that your job is responsible to do.  (build stuff, market stuff, sell stuff, etc.).
   3. You should find your work challenging but doable.
   4. You should be able to learn new things constantly in your job.
   5. You should not expect to do only stuff you like all the time.  You may only get to do stuff you like about your job about 25% of the time.
   6. For doing stuff you don’t like, you should not “absolutely hate” more than 25% of the stuff you do.
   7. That leaves about 50% of stuff you don’t like but don’t hate, and that’s okay.
   My Count:  If you like at least 25% of the stuff you do, and don’t hate more than 25%, and you identify with your department and find your work challenging and learn new stuff…. you have yourself a career.  IF not, start looking for a new job… perhaps in a new department.


So, do I like my job?  The picture below should answer that: